Article Continued Below Why do men have trouble committing to women who seem to be the whole package, or as you call them: It should feel more like the girl is intelligent, knows what she wants and after a few hours, or a few dates has decided that she wants you. That was a big guiding question from the beginning. The reason is because an emotional connection starts with a deep conversation, one that is made up of profound ideas. But there are still these ingrained gender roles. But when it came time to close that distance and men had to interact with these women face-to-face, they started to lose interest. A lot of them will drop hints about: The smarter, more interesting and more accomplished a girl is, the easier it is for a man to connect with her. There was recent Pew research that looked at what men and women thought the societal pressures were for men and women. I had an ex-boyfriend tell me that I was so sure of myself that I was going to scare guys. I started to see that a lot in my dating life. Stuff like this is way more romantic and meaningful than being forced to talk about which emoji you like using best when you text, or what your favorite bubble gum flavor is, or why Snapchat is, like, totally more fun than Instagram. I have several friends whose long-term partners or husbands said the same thing to them as they were dating.
Women are showing that we can be that equal provider. Men are kind of stuck in that norm, where they have to provide. But there are still these ingrained gender roles. That was a big guiding question from the beginning. We may have sex like animals, but our modes of courtship are a lot different. And lots of friends and family did say: Just wait until they find an investment they really want to make or someone who is special. I have several friends whose long-term partners or husbands said the same thing to them as they were dating. This is not a dig on girls being dumb or less intelligent than men — not by a long shot. That was my big advice on relating for women, to have that kind of empathy. The smarter a girl is, the more complex emotional topics you can talk to her about. There are just as many dumb guys as girls out there, and the theory being discussed goes both ways. I started to see that a lot in my dating life. I wanted to reassure women that if they were having these problems, not to get a complex about it. One thing comes before the other. For some reason, guys think that the less deep or intellectual a woman is, the more susceptible she is to their advances. There is still a primal element to being with a woman, and physical attraction will never go away thank god , but the luxury of being a human being is that we have access to complex ideas and emotions. If this type of woman is the dream girl, then why are they having so many problems? A Radical Plan to Win in Life and Love is about why smart, successful independent women — the type of women men profess to want — have trouble finding steady relationships. The smarter, more interesting and more accomplished a girl is, the easier it is for a man to connect with her. But I looked around at who was struggling with dating, and they tended to be that type. And then Lora Park had research that came out in that showed psychological distance matters a lot. There was recent Pew research that looked at what men and women thought the societal pressures were for men and women. And I did not find that. Why does that sense of men wanting to be a provider still exist when so many couples expect that both partners will be working? For example, there are a lot of pros to smart, independent career women.
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