Be friendly, go have fun doing stuff, but trust those cautious instincts of yours. Or maybe not -- I think a lot of the answers about not knowing what she wants are probably valid too, just offering my POV on how to maybe overcome that. Her response was very vague and I'm not sure should I chase her or leave it? In fact, you're so busy you can't talk to her on the phone for very long. So if your aim is to remain available for growing this relationship's intimacy, then you just need to be the low-pressure, available, cuddly friend. But when it comes to real talk, try real talk. What answer did she give you for not being interested? All I knew was that someone who really pushed my buttons pushed all of those concerns right out of my head. She doesn't want to hurt you. Moving on is indeed the new strategy.
Then cut out all of your framing text and re-read what your friend told you. Unfortunately, you seem to be doing what most of us did when we were green to relationships: But in every relationship, committed or otherwise, both parties should be on the same page. It seems like you're tripping yourself up by taking what she said literally. It is common to find a man resisting the urge to ask a girl out after they have been just friends. To me it seems she hasn't closed the door yet but I'm not sure what to do. In fact, you're so busy you can't talk to her on the phone for very long. This isn't fair to you. Wondering what that rash is? And it's booked for the days she wants to go out as "just friends. Tease her "You remind me of my bratty little sister" Good God that works! To paultopia and others saying this is futile: I note in passing that the players identified in the Usual Rules hot women, bad boys, jerks, wife beaters may or may not map usefully onto the people you're contemplating, and that attempting to fit real people into preconceived categories often involves ignoring enough of their important attributes to cause significant difficulty in relating well to them. That's your sense of self-preservation talking. The main factor seemed to be that she had only had "bad" relationships in the past, where she ended up dating the guy because she felt sorry for him, and the relationship ended up feeling like a chore instead of something wonderful. I'll need to spend some time digesting it, but it all rings true at the moment. But first look at the responses pertaining to this "just friends" BS. Also, if your feelings for this girl don't go beyond those you have for any attractive female friend, then why ask this question? Right now, she just wants to be friends. She has everything you ever desired in a woman. Because even if she's not depressed and doesn't have relationship issues and deep-down wants to settle down and be with you, she's going to act as though she does feel that way and doesn't want those things. It is better to hide the feelings and retain the relationship than to lose it all. If he insists on seeing signs in how I behave, I will probably become annoyed and stop wanting to spend time with him, because I don't need friends that make me watch everything I do for ambiguity and subtext. But this is all crap. Believe her, on all counts. This is because most of the men are afraid of being disappointed. Don't wait in the wings.
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