It predisposes your love for the person based on your emotional state When we talk about the spark, are you talking about a physical thing? This ends after a couple of months. Actively learning what I wanted out of a relationship taught me how to be monogamous for the right reasons. I have seen so many people enter into or dismiss a relationship based on their answer to this question. Sadly, many of us have seen enough marriage breakdown for this very reason. I was poly for about four years, and have been in a monogamous relationship for over two years. In the context of our feelings, it kind of highlights that the grass seems greener on the other side, until you get there and wipe your feet all over it. The trick is to find out which one you are, and be that. A version of this piece originally appeared on Medium. It started after being burned out on a decade of serial monogamy. I guess this article would be addressing that first type. True monogamists are not afraid of the lack of spark or butterflies; that wonderful but ultimately transient and even shallow feeling of being in a state of love.
The only people who can have both are those few who are very, very good at polyamory. Two walking hand in hand because they are in agreement. They are comfortable doing so because they are rooted in where the relationship is and have the emotional depth to roll with the tide, to endure the plateaus, and to always seek the best in the other person. Blood is thicker than water, they say. That magic thing that makes people click. And a few of the other couples I know had it. I knew I was ready to give it up when I found someone who felt like three or four men put together. There is no in-between. Being poly taught me that all those years, I was essentially monogamous for the wrong reasons. American culture is dead wrong about this. Is it something that happens in your decisions? If the spark was so important to maintaining life long commitment or entering into new and exciting territory, then surely our other relationships would all have to bow to the same rules. Has that ever happened to you? Next question — are all your close friendships like that? A version of this piece originally appeared on Medium. In my opinion, you should do whatever you want with dating in your 20s, within the bounds of treating people with feelings like you would want yourself to be treated, of course. Are you interested in always being in and out of love? Actively learning what I wanted out of a relationship taught me how to be monogamous for the right reasons. Do you have see problems with The Spark, or are you a big fan? It predisposes your love for the person based on your emotional state When we talk about the spark, are you talking about a physical thing? Blood is also thicker than sparks. I say shallow because everyone eventually has had that feeling — and strongly — for a person they know they have no business dating. If no, case and point. If the spark is the deciding factor, what decisions will you make when it happens with someone else? It started after being burned out on a decade of serial monogamy. How can you have a relationship without a spark?
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