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Christian rules dating my daughter

I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrrier, and I will kill you. Places where there is darkness. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. My daughter is getting ready, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. Do not lie to me. You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. Please do not do this. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.

Christian rules dating my daughter


You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrrier, and I will kill you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car — there is no need for you to come inside. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. Please do not do this. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Hockey games are okay. His passion for the word of God and for Christ our Savior is evident. Old folks homes are better. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. Places where there is darkness. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. But Fred possesses a rich sense of humor, too.

Christian rules dating my daughter


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